I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
