shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
