i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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