If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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