I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
