if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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