she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
