Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
