i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
