you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
