My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
