This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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