just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
