did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
