I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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