I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
