dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
