So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
