I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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