Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Randomize
