So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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