Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
