Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
