If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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