I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
