I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
