Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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