Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I will be naked everywhere
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
