Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Mom said you looked used
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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