If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
