to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
