The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We need to get me chipped asap
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize