I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
