Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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