Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
