Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
