I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize