Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
