I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
