Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
