Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
