rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
