Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize