and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
