i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
