it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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