I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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