hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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