yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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