so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize