I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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