two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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