i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
