While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize