The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
