Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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