Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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