Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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