i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
