They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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