Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
