You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize