i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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