I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
