What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
