i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
