Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
