Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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