quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
